is that you wake up one morning with a map in your mind to navigate the beauty of your life. When you celebrate the first year of your sobriety, and later, a whole lifetime of choosing to nourish your body and soul with nothing but love – only then will it all make sense to you. That’s how it should be. I used to think that once I got through with whatever obstacle was at hand, my suffering would be done for good. I’d have paid my dues. I could go on living a happy life with people I love in only places that bring me comfort. I understand now, 21 years into this lifetime, that I was pretty silly to believe such a thing. I was silly to even want that for myself. I don’t know. I guess part of this turnaround was realizing that I was preparing myself to live on some moral high ground for the rest of my life with an attitude equivalent to: “I suffered enough early on in life now it’s everyone else’s turn. I’ll sit back and watch!” But true growth is recognizing that nothing “bad” ever happens to you, only for you. And nothing can ever make you feel inferior without your consent (I think Eleanor Roosevelt said something like that first). That doesn’t mean you don’t ever give life that consent to toss you around a bit. It doesn’t mean you don’t give yourself consent to feel the consequences of it, either. I’d even go as far as to suggest you feel those consequences deeply. Feel everything you possible can, because you can. What it does mean is that whatever it is you’re going through is a necessary part of the human cycle. And you’re not unique. I mean, you are, but then again so is everybody else.
My hope for you is that you learn to love your own being so deeply that you see yourself in the reflections of those you admire most. I hope you tether your soul to that of your higher power’s so fully that not even the demons of your darkest days could penetrate its bond.
My hope for you is that you come to realize there is nothing in this world you cannot overcome. That you turn to healthy vices and drop the ones that no longer serve you. Maybe they never did. I hope you learn to recognize the difference.
My hope for you is that you relieve yourself of the pressure to be the same person you were ten years ago. You are one person today, molded by the experiences of your past and tomorrow you will be a new person with all of those experiences and then some. You will have gained the experiences of tomorrow and in consequence your mind will change. And it will continue to alter the next day. And the next. And the day after that. And every day thereafter for as long as you should live. Get used to it. Better yet – embrace it. Every morning, make the decision to welcome a new guest into this home you call a body. Treat them as you would any other guest. Be a good host. Offer them a clean and comfortable environment. Provide them with something yummy to eat. Entertain their curiosities no matter how far-fetched they may seem at first. Open up a safe space for honesty and set your boundaries if it becomes too uncomfortable. Whatever you do, be kind.
My hope for you is that you experience your own freedom. I hope you make decisions for no body but your own and let go of the opinions of others. Not one other person on this floating space rock is you and you hold galaxies of depth in that single mind of yours. You are a world of wonder, baby. Please see this the way I do. You won’t, though. That’s part of the fun I suppose; the way we all see things differently. Just promise me you’ll allow yourself the space and time to say ‘thank you’; to the universe; to your body; to every version of you that brought you to this very moment; that brought you to me; that will continue to guide you towards love, no matter where we end up. Thank yourself well and thank yourself often. You’ve made it to the farthest point in human history. You’ve made it to Now.
I’m so fucking proud of you.
My hope for you is that you hold onto your serenity; that you hold onto the things that make you dance; that make you want to be a better person; that challenge you; that allow you to grow.
My soul has so much love for yours.
Always change,
Nobody.
In My Heads 